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Curriculum Vitae for George W. Bush
Af Haitham Sabbah - billede af Ben Heine.
GEORGE W. BUSH
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
The White House, USA
RESUME:
PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
- I ran for Congress and lost.
- I produced a Hollywood slasher B movie.
- I bought an oil company, but couldn’t find any oil in Texas; company went bankrupt shortly after I sold all my stock.
- I bought the Texas Rangers baseball team in a sweetheart deal that took land using taxpayer money. Biggest move: Traded Sammy Sosa to the Chicago White Sox.
- With my father’s help (and his name) was elected Governor of Texas.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS:
- I changed pollution laws for power and oil companies and made Texas the most polluted state in the Union.
- I replaced Los Angeles with Houston as the most smog ridden city in America. Cut taxes and bankrupted the Texas government to the tune of billions in borrowed money. Set record for most executions by any Governor in American history.
- I became president after losing the popular vote by over 500,000 votes, with the help of my father’s appointments to the Supreme Court.
ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS PRESIDENT:
- I attacked and took over two countries.
- I spent the surplus and bankrupted the treasury.
- I shattered record for biggest annual deficit in history.
- I set economic record for most private bankruptcies filed in any 12 month period.
- I set all-time record for biggest drop in the history of the stock market.
- I am the first president in decades to execute a federal prisoner.
- I am the first president in US history to enter office with a criminal record.
- I am the first president in office to set the all-time record for most days on vacation in their first year by any president in US history.
- After taking the entire month of August off for vacation, I presided over the worst security failure in US history (9-11).
- I set the record for most campaign fundraising trips than any other president in US history.
- In my first two years in office over 2 million Americans lost their job.
- I cut unemployment benefits for more out of work Americans than any president in US history.
- (...)
RECORDS AND REFERENCES:
- I have at least one conviction for Drunk Driving in Maine (Texas driving record has been erased and is not available).
- I was AWOL from The National Guard and deserted the military during a time of war.
- I refuse to take a drug test or even answer any questions about drug use.
- All records of my tenure as governor of Texas have been spirited away to my fathers library, sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
- All records of any SEC investigations into my insider trading or bankrupt companies are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
- All minutes of meetings for any public corporation I served on the board are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public view.
- Any records or minutes from meetings I (or my VP) attended regarding public energy policy are sealed in secrecy and unavailable for public review.
For personal references, please speak to my Daddy or Uncle, James Baker (They can be reached at their offices of the Carlyle Group for war-profiteering.)
Læs det hele på Sabbah's Blog.